What does it mean to be intimate with life, with another, with ourselves?
When we think about intimacy we often think only of sexual intimacy, or that it belongs only to lovers, partnership relationships and marriage.
It is time to broaden our understanding of intimacy.
It is time to create nourishing intimate relationships with ourselves, our friends, parents, children, siblings and spouses.
Intimacy brings beauty, support and it asks for you to show up, lean in and be seen. It takes courage and vulnerability. The beauty it brings is so worth it!
Intimacy is a closeness, a togetherness with ourselves and others. It is a deepening of connection through our willingness to be seen, our capacity to speak what is alive in us and to communicate clearly what our needs, wants and desires are.
It is warmth and affection. Honesty and challenge.
It fills us up.
It is essential to our wellbeing….
To cultivate intimacy you need to grow your skills of communication, recognising, naming, understanding and expressing what you are feeling. It requires the ability to identify your needs and communicate them. Empathy, listening and accountability for your own experiences.
How you receive another, developing your ability to accept another and yourself no matter what. How to repair ruptured connection. It is a courageous and vulnerable offering to yourself and another.
And it is worth it!
In situations where you are feeling tired, stressed, under pressure, moving through change or experiencing big feelings, you can often find yourself unable to access the tools and skills you need to find a way through. Often when you need the skills the most, you find yourself without a solid foundation to stand on.
Through necessity we often have to try and develop the skills we need in these moment of stress or conflict. More often than not we are not able to because when we are stressed or in conflict learning new things is difficult.
I have learnt; if I first build the skills and practice them when I am calm and receptive and not in a stressed, emotionally pressured, or tired state; later it becomes easier to access them no matter the situation. From the mundane to the magical, from the gut wrenching moments when my world feels broken to playful experiences, I always have them available to me.
One of the greatest gifts I have received in developing the skills I need to grow intimacy, is the deep trust I have in myself to be able to communicate clearly in all situations. Uncomfortable or joyous. I simply know I can find my way through. And yes there are moments when I am not able to speak what I need to in the moment. At these times I lean into the knowing, which says, with some time I will be able to understand what is going on for me and speak it. This feels like absolute grace and supports me to feel safe and to trust my ability to take care of and to be kind to myself whilst honouring another.
How do you learn how to communicate more clearly and find your way through tricky or stressful situations? How can you learn to express your joy or your hurts?
In the Inviting Intimacy series we do things differently. You are encouraged to engage with curiosity and playful exploration. You develop the skills you need in small steps, through practice with fun and practical activities which cultivates connection. Step by, baby step you grow the skills you need. Once you have integrated the skills it becomes easier to use them in your daily life and when things get challenging or ecstatic.
Relationship ask us to show our soft underbelly, this is both beautiful and excruciating. It is always both, relationships bring blessings and pain. They bring joy and frustration. This is their nature. Our job is to learn how to be with both with more ease.
Grow your skills first.
This creates a stable and strong foundation to navigate all relationships.
Powerful. Simple. Effective